Hello guys! It's been so long that I don't even know if there are still readers to say hi to. As you can see, I've reverted back to my old blog URL. I just found it hard to maintain a domain name so I'll stick to this for a while. Oh, how I've missed writing here! But I am just the type who would write more when I'm feeling blue so I guess so far, things are all rosy. I've also missed the typical way of how I write before--diary style. I figured I should be doing that more often so let me start now.
I've probably mentioned that I moved here in Pampanga. I can say that the move has been good for me and my mental health. I actually still cringe a little when say "mental" like it's something abnormal. I wasn't officially diagnosed with anything. But a part of me is saying that I should have. I have those what I call "dark days" when everything seems pointless and I feel so hopeless. I don't want to dig deeper into that right now but all I can say is that since moving here, I'm happy to say that the dark days are getting lesser and it has become easier to snap out of it.
So what else is new? Well, I am turning thirty in a few days! The big 3-0. Hmmm.. How do I feel about it? Let me be as real as I can be. I was more terrified of turning 30 when I turned 29 actually. But as it nears, it has become less daunting a thought for me. I am actually excited. Why? Maybe because I am just beginning to really love myself more. I feel like I've finally matured enough to call myself a woman. (Yes, girls. It can take THAT long.) I have been feeling more secure, grounded and confident.
For more than I decade, I was feeling really lost and that life itself was pointless. I look at friends' posts on my Facebook page and it always made me feel inadequate. I questioned myself about why I'm still here when everybody's being somebodies and going everywhere. I am always looking far into the future that I forgot to cherish the moment that I am living in. I was living, but I do not feel alive. Now, I am consciously trying to change that perspective.
Here is something I am more brave enough to talk about. I have also gained a noticeable amount of weight over the last few years which made me feel a little insecure and depressed. Surprisingly, as I near 30, I have become more accepting of my body, and all of my curves and imperfection. I am a little more confident as can be. And I know naman that I can lose all the weight if I want to because I've done that before (through exercise and healthy eating of course). But right now, I am just enjoying life.
If you've only come across this blog of mine, especially if you are younger, I hope you learn from my mistakes. I hope you feel that you are enough. Honey, you are always, always more beautiful, smarter, braver and kinder than you think you are. And please stop comparing your life to someone else's. It's okay if you're just not adventurous enough or sociable enough. It is okay for you to feel as if you're stuck there because there will come a time where all doors will open and every light will turn green and life is a one big YES. You will get there. It's okay for you to want to be alone sometimes. It's also okay to be single and happy because alone isn't equal to lonely. Oh heck, it is even okay to NOT be okay sometimes. Loneliness is a spectrum of emotion that you need to feel to appreciate happiness even more. I know that sometimes things are not just black and white or happiness is not always a choice or maybe you've been struggling to even choose to stay alive. I hope you always choose to live, every single day, every single time. Don't look far into the future and just live in the moment. Love yourself and you will radiate love into the world and life will love you right back.
With this post I say, bring it on big 3-0!
