Disclaimer: I am not from U.P and I did not make this compilation. I got this from Jullienne Dagdag's post. It really made me laugh. So guys, indulge. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I did. BUT (yeah, all caps.) Ang pikon laging talo. Binabalaan ko na kayo...may mga foul dito. THOMASIANS, don't read. haha. Actually may iba pang mga schools na kasama. Pero inuulit ko, ang pikon, laging talo. BOW.=)
1. “The aim of policy making is to
invoke action! Because action speaks louder than words! You do not just say
I love you. You say: If you love me, enter me! “
-Dr. Alfonso Pacquing
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2.”Class, next week na lang ung result sa exam nyo. I am having a hard time
checking it. I will seek first the divine guidance on what to do about it.
Class dont worry about your grade. Let me worry about it.”
-sir de jesus,envi sci 1
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3.(Valentines Day)
“Ano ba yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores niyo? Siguro
wala kayong date ngayong  valentines kaya ganito kayo. Losers!!! When i was
your age i had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP FAIR euphoria  ng grades
niyo? Parang di kayo masaya…” (sabay matching tapon ng quizzes sa sahig)
“I won’t record this. Go find a date.”
(sabay walk out.)
-Sir Doliente,BA.
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4.Ma’am: Many people believe that we, psychology graduates can read minds…
(silence) Actually, we can.
Class: Weh.. Sample..
Ma’am: Right now, you think that I’m bluffing
-Ma’am Chei
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5.”I don’t give surprise long exams. all exams are announced. Halimbawa,
Class, mageexam tayo, NGAYON NA!”
-Ma’am Chei (again)
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6.”The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. Pag may
kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!!!”
-Dr. Recio
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7.”Oo, nagpapaulan ako ng uno… baket? aanhin ko ba nun? di naman ako yayaman
dun.”
-Sir Atoy, histo I
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8.(commenting on a thesis of a senior student)
‘Yang thesis mo? .. Mamamatay ka!! Mamamatay ka!!’
- Dr. llanes, UPM.
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9.”Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kunggusto niyong magka-anak ng asawa niyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa.”
-Ma’am Meggie, Zoo 10
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10.”Last sem was the first time that I gave a grade of 5, and it felt good!!!”
Prof Goldie, Comm II, circa 1998, first day of class
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UP MNEMONICS
ZODIAC SIGNS:
According (Aries)
To (Taurus)
Gabby (Gemini)
Concepcion (Cancer)
Laging (Leo)
Very (Virgo)
Loving (Libra)
Si (Scorpio)
Sharon (Sagittarius)
Cuneta (Capricorn)
After (Aries)
Performing (Pisces)
.
FOR BIOLOGY:
THE TWELVE CRANIAL NERVES
Oh
Oh
Oh
To
Touch
And
Feel
A
Girl’s
V________,
So
Heavenly
and it stands for:
CN 1 - Olfactory
CN 2 - Optic
CN 3 - Oculomotor
CN 4 - Trochlear
CN 5 - Trigeminal
CN 6 - Abducens
CN 7 - Facial
CN 8 - Auditory (or acousticovestibular )
CN 9 - Glossopharyngeal
CN 10 - Vagus
CN 11 - Spinal Accessory
CN 12 – Hypoglossal
.
King
Phillip
Came
Over
For
Good
Sex
FOR:
Kingdom
Phylum
Class
Order
Family
Genus
Species
.
DNA BASE PAIRINGS:
Call Girl si Techie Agbayani
C-G
T-A
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FOR PHYSICS:
NEWTON ‘S SECOND LAW OF MOTION:
a = F/m
or Father over Mother equals Anak!
FORMULA FOR PRESSURE
P = F/a
or Father over Anak equals Pamangkin!
II. www.peyups.com
1.”The more wisdom you obtain, the more you shut your mouth. This is because the more that you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth, the true mark of a wise man is humility”
–Paraphrased galing kay PI100. Puta best prof sa CAL.
Na overhear ko lang nung palabas na ko ng klase:
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2.Classmate: Ma’am, pwede po bang next week na kami mag report?
Ma’am: Alam mo, God is good. And I am God. So yes, pwede next week.
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3. Sir U Eliserio during creative writing class…
“try everything once except incest”
and one day pumasok ng room, galit na galit. hinagis ang bag sa table, nagwawala sa harap ng room dahil hindi daw nasagot ng previous class niya ang question niya. kaya dapat daw masagot namin, ang makasagot may plus points. kapag walang makasagot, lagot kami.
ang tanong…. “class, sinong lalaking artista dun sa TV show na wonder years”?
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4.”Mamatay na mangopya…”
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5.”Ang hindi maka-100, bobo!
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6.”im gay. so gay i could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body”
-jean navera, spcm1
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7. sa STAT 1 lab:
“ok class, alala nyo pa ba ang asymptote? sa math 11 or 17 niyo? ganun class. ganun kayo sa pagpasa sa STAT1″
-pauline pastor.
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8. FIRST DAY OF CLASSES: “Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan niyo na agad. Walang pupuntahan yan. Hindi kayo magkaka-intindihan. Tapos yung mga anak niyo, magiging bobo. Gusto niyo ba yun?”
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9. ANOTHER PROF: “Hoy girls, wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend dito sa UP. Pare-parehas tayong mahirap dito. Kumuha kayo ng mayaman. 80% of the child’s intelligence comes from the Mother naman eh. Kayo guys, wag kayo kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo anak niyo.”
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10. “Class, Chinatown is not in China
. And Ateneo de Manila University is not… a university.”
.
11. STUDENT: Sir, pwede po magpa-sit in yung friends ko?
PROF: From what school are they?
STUDENT: St. Scho po.
PROF: “Go ahead. So they’ll realize what they’re missing. St. Scho, St. Scho… eskwelahan na ba yun sa inyo?!”
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12. “Class, kaya mahal ang bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante dun. Dyuskoh, I used to teach there… at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students yung sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga kakaulit ng lessons! Wag na lang! Dito na ko sa UP, at least nagkakaintindihan tayo. Diba?”
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13. Dr. Recio: What causes asthma?
Classmate (na-overwhelm): Ummm, asthma is caused by… Pollens and dust and–
Dr. Recio: NO! Asthma is genetically predisposed!
After five seconds…
Dr. Recio: What causes asthma?
Same classmate: Ma’am, it’s genetically predisposed.
Dr. Recio: YES! Very good!
Matindi kasi short-term memory loss ni ma’am.
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14. sorry class i’m late. grabe ang traffic sa EDSA, pero di ako dumaan doon!
~ acctg1 prof
di namin alam kung matatawa kami o hindi.
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15. Dahil kami ang mga huling estudyante ni Dr. David at mahal na mahal namin siya, nag-compile kami dati ng mga quotable quotes mula sa kanya. Ito ang ilan:
“Meanings we find are the meanings we make.”
“WHAT YOU LEARN IN UP IS TO GO ON AND NEVER GIVE UP. THAT IF THERE BE ONE PERSON LEFT STANDING, LET IT BE ME. LET ATENEO FALL FIRST BEFORE UP…”
“The measure of a man is how many doors he has opened to other people, especially to those he doesn’t know.”
“To be born is to die. In between they grow and multiply like flies. 6.2 billion people in the world. Kadiri, ano?”
“Why not life? Why call it soul? Call a spade a spade.”
“Earth is the only heaven we can know.”
“religion is a successful economic institution”
“Do not live long enough to be worthless.”
“Domestication of the human male is one of the greatest achievement of the human race.”
“I do not know many. I only know enough to teach my classes.”
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16. We do not accept anyone here in class except for those who are members of a certain minority group. For example, gays are part of a minority group, bakla ka ba? If you admit to this class that you are gay, then I’ll admit you”
-Prof “hail to the chair”, to a guy student na nagpre-prerog
in the end, ayaw umamin ni guy… di tuloy tinanggap…
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17. Everything you need to know about the electron, it’s position, momentum, etc, ay makukuha mo sa kanyang wavefunction. Kaya kung gusto mong makilala ang isang babae, itanong mo sa kanya,’Hi.
May I know your wavefunction?’” -Prof in physics
Second day of classes
Same Prof: (kinuha ang box ng colored chalks) Ano ba naman ito… (tapos iniitsa sa lamesa yung mga dark colored chalks)
class: (tahimik na nagmamasid)
Prof: Class, sulatan niyo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito, at sabihing tanggalin na ang mga walang kwentang kulay na ito… brown, green, violet. hindi makikita ito sa board. Convince them
class: (tahimik at gulat)
Prof: and .25 incentive sa final grade niyo!
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18. “Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? E ambaba ng grades n’un e!”
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19.”Si Miriam, crush ko ‘yun dati. Muntikan na maging kami, kaso nasiraan ng ulo, kaya ‘yun, iba ang asawa ko.”
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20. “Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English, so hen you’re here in class, magsalita kayo ng English! Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako at ako ang teacher!”
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21. If you really love someone, just act like a swan; once he finds his mate, he will never find anyone else. But when his lover goes away, he dies because he thinks that his life no longer has purpose in this world.”
A semester of cooky, sometimes corny, but sometimes thought-provoking advice on life, love and ambition from Dr. Melitton Juanico (circa 2nd semester AY 2006-2007).
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III. http://drowingsolutionsph.multiply.com
1. Ma’am sierra, bio150(ecology)
humangin, nalipad yung acetate dahil humangin ng malakas. imbis na hawakan nya yung OHP, dali-
dali nyang hinawakan yung whiteboard.
Sir Punzalan, Stat 121
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2. “Summattion of five x3 plus 5×2 (reading a mathematical equation) minus one… pero di ibig
sabihin na kakanta kayo”
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3. In this one class, we were discussing about infants and kids in their early childhood. To
illustrate kung paano nagpa-pivot prone ang isang bata, yung DEAN ng college namin ay dumapa sa
floor at doon ay nagpa-ikot-ikot. (Go Dean Jake! O di ba, down-to-earth kahit dean?)
.
4. Sir Ebreo, Span 11 - discussion: imperativo
Kapag magkaaway daw kayo ng bf mo, ang sasabihin mo is “No me toques” *thought: tama ba ang
spelling? pakitama na lang po ako.* (don’t touch me). Pero kapag okay daw kayo, sasabihin nyo
(with feelings and with actions) “Tocame! Tocame!” (Touch me! Touch me!)
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5. Sabi ng isa naming prof:
“Why should we tie up with (name ng school) when they don’t even rely on their graduates?”
Bwahahaha! SAPUL! GO UP!
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6. Bio1 Prof. Mamaril
“Okay, so the mountain gorilla, gorilla gorilla beringei of mount virunga is…”
(sabay pasok ng classmate ko na six-footer, maitim at shaved ang ulo, tapos nagtitigan sila ng
matagal ni prof)
“…speaking of the gorilla!”
(cue pandemonium sa klase)
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7. Si Prof Diestro ulet…
tnanong niya sa min kung kilala ba namin siya. sabi niya “my father is a carpenter and my
father is a carpenter”. tapos meron pang “i am conceived immaculately”. sinabi niya siya daw si
hesus. nagtanong pa ng “don’t you believe me?”. huling sinabi niya “believe in me”.
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8. “correct me if I’m right” ~ anonymous
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9. Sabi ng Math 100 prof
“Class you should listen because if you dont’ listen, you would not know what you don’t know!”
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10. Nagalit sya sa iba kasi daw yung nilagay sa blue book ay mr. lang dapat daw professor kaya
ang sabi nya, “Ano ba ako dito di ba professor. It’s better to promote than to demote! Kaya nga
pag yung taga-UP pagsinabihan mong di ba taga-UST ka, magagalit daw at nakasimangut pa. Pero
pag taga-UST at sinabihan mong di ba taga-UP ka, ngingiti pa daw.”
.
11. ito pa sabi nya sa amin, “dapat kayong mag-anak ng marami, mga sampo. Huwag nating hayaan na
mas maraming anak ang mga mangmang dahil sa susunod na henerasyon ang mga walang alam ang
mamumuno sa atin kawawaya naman ang bayan.”
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12. “ang letran kilala pero hindi yan makikita sa mapa pero ang ust kahit papano makikita…
kaya lang pagtinignan mo ang ranking mga na 500 pataas”
.
13. si prof. monsod in her conio moment, she said,
“making plantsa with the coal..”
she’s actually referring dun sa plantsa nung unang panahon na uling daw yung ginagamit para
gumana.
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14. si tanttoco ng kas 1 nakakatuwa yung mgaa hirit nya tapos yung mga class requirments nya may
katumbas na kanta like:
group work= hawak kamay nyahahhahahahahhaha
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15.Mareng Winnie sa Econ Auditorium, “Godd***it to hell class! Don’t sleep on me! ” Tapos
pinagalitan nya yung isang natutulog sa last row, “You, blah, blah…” ‘Tas narealize nya na ,
Teaching fellow pala sa Econ, discussioner nya, hahaha!
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16.eto kasama sa class rules ng prof ko sa natsci1:
“you may hug, but no kissing”
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17. late dumating sa class si Mr. MATH 17 prof na bagong kasal lang. nagmamadali tapos sabay sabi
” SORRY CLASS NAPUYAT AKO. GANYAN TALAGA PAG MAY-ASAWA…”
.
18.NSTP coordinator namin:
“Ano ba kayo! Ang iingay ninyo! Para kayong mga batang street children!”
an old relic from the martial law era on a classmate who won’t stand up while reciting:
“Miss ___, please stand up so I could see the contours of your body.”
at pag may dumadaan daw na sexy, his remark–”Wow. Rape-able.”
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19.BULKENYO.
“Just because the bulkenyo errupts today, it is not necessarily the case that the bulkenyo
will….”
IV. www.burubudoy.wordpress.com
Paraphrased quotation from my own prof.
During our discussion
Classmate: Sir saan po kami hihingi ng appointment letter para sa inteview? (para sa mga tv station, writers, artist, government agencies and private companies)
Prof: Anong apo-apointment letter? Pakita nyo lang ID nyo.
**
Prof: Kung gusto nyo talaga malaman ang pinakamabisang pananaliksik, gayahin nyo ang isa kong estudyanteng nagbayad ng macho dancer para malaman ang buhay ng macho dancer.
**
Prof: Kung pipili kayo ng lugar para manaliksik, ayaw kong piliin nyo ang Baguio. Nadala na ako, yung estudyante ko dati dalawang magkagrupo, nagtaka nalang ako at di na bumalik pagkagaling ng baguio. Paglipas ng dalawang sem nagpakita silang dalawa kinukuha akong ninong ng anak nila. Anak ng tupa, isinabuhay ang ang kanilang pananaliksik ” teen pregnancy”.
**
Prof: Ewan ko nga ba sa mga Pilipino, iniidolo si Maria Clara, eh anak naman yun sa pagkakasala.
**
Prof: Last year, oblation run, nagpaalam mga estudyante kong huwag nalang daw magklase kesyo manonood daw sila, ako naman ito, edi pumayag. Ayun sa sunod na klase namin, nakasimangot sila di daw sila nakakita ng birdie. Kung saan-saan pa kasi nagpunta, pagkaalis nila, biglang dumaan dito yung mga nakahubad, walang katao-tao, kitang-kita ko tuloy ang biyaya.
**
Prof: Kung hindi lang nagbubulag-bulag ang pamahalaan, edi wala sana si Aguinaldo sa listahan ng ating mga bayani.
**
Sa isang klase ko sa research writing
1st meeting
Prof: Matatapos itong kursong natin ng hindi ko hahawakan ang inyong mga papel, ano kayo sinuswerte? Hindi ko babasahin isa-isa yan, edi kung ganun, ako ang matututo hindi kayo! Excuse me, “DR” na ako, di ko kailangan yan.
2nd meeting (after ituro ang intro)
Prof: Sa kursong ito, either 1 or 5 ang grade mo, pag nagpasa edi 1 pag hindi 5
3rd meeting (after ituro ang first 4 modules)
Prof: Ayan, tapos na tayo sa first 4 modules, ngayon meron na tayong grade na 1, 2, 3 at 5. Tignan natin sa susunod na meeting at pag natapos natin ang halos 30 modules, tignan natin ang grades na pagpipilian nyo!
**
Asian History Prof
Prof: Punyeta yang mga sinasabing atheist sila, The mere fact that they have that grammatical equivalent for the word GOD, it means that they have the notion of GOD. Kaya wag nilang sasabihing walang GOD.
**
Philo Prof: THERE IS NO GOD!
**
