Thorned Rose

Sky High Dreams

Monday, January 28, 2013

On January 20, 2013, I checked one thing off my bucket list. I ran in a Fun Run. Haha! I wouldn't call it a "marathon" because one of the first things I learned as a beginner was that a marathon is a 42 km run, which would make 21 km a half-marathon and my humble 5 km... nothing! LOL.

I started jogging last November because I got worried about not sweating too much, it's not normal anymore! When temperature gets too high, my body just gets too hot. I still don't break a sweat but if you hold my hand, you'll wonder if I have a fever or something. And then I'll end up nose bleeding. So yeah. I figured I have to help my body too. There's no gym near our house with a decent instructor (at least, not that I know of) and I don't enjoy pulling some weights anymore. So what I did was buy a decent--and cheap enough running shoes and googled some running/jogging tips for beginners. I am still not comfortable with the term "running" because if ever Zombies invades the world and try to eat everyone's brains, my "running" pace will get what's left of my brain eaten. But what the heck! Okay, running.

I didn't enjoy running at first but I really pushed myself to run as much as I can to make it a habit because I know I just have to. I am not even running regularly yet when my good friend, Alison texted me one day asking if I want to join Run 711 so I was really hesitant to say yes. I mean, joining a decent running event has been a dream of mine but I didn't plan for it to be this soon. But my dear ole' friend texted me the registration details and we were registered in a matter of minutes. When I got the email confirming our registration I thought: What the hell was I thinking?!

Initially, I was really thinking of flaking and just paying Alison the registration fee. Yes, I was that scared. I was scared of passing out in the middle of the run! Aside from that, I wanted to do a 3k first just to test the waters---and Ali registered me to a 5k.

Moi after the run

My friend, Ali after the run (my gosh he's so payat! teehee)

Come race day I was half excited and still nervous of passing out mid-race but I looked at my fellow runners. You can just inhale the energy coming from everyone!

Then the race started and I was starting to get disappointed with myself. The first few minutes I felt road suddenly became wider and all I could think of was how the other runners are passing by me while I was so ready to WALK the rest of the race! Haha.

On the 2nd kilometer I noticed other runners slowing down and that's when I reminded myself that I have my own pace and that the reason I joined the run was to prove to myself that I can--not to Ali (who is by the way the fastest runner I know), not to my brother who's skeptical of me running and certainly not to my fellow runners but to myself. :)

From there I found myself picking up pace and actually running the rest of it overtaking other runners as well. Upon making a u-turn on the 5km turn over, the run felt easier. I may sound dramatic but the last few kilometers, I was just smiling and staring at the beautiful, cloudy blue sky. I was literally thanking God of the gift of good health, that I can run and most especially that I am about to finish my first 5km run.

The last half mile Paramore's "That's What You Get (When you let your heart win)" played on my mp3. That was the exact moment I saw the finish line. Oh what a joy! I was just so happy to prove to myself that I can. When the part of the song went, "..Why do we like to hurt so much?" I was shaking my head and asked myself: "Yeah, why?" and smiled. Maybe really am a masochist. Maybe because the pain makes me feel alive. And as I crossed the finish line, man did I really feel alive! Now I know what runner's high is. :)

So here I am surfing the web for the next fun run. Maybe I'll end up doing a 10 km soon. Besides, I learned running's mutually beneficial since you'll be able to help a charity a Fun Run's supporting and you get to be healthy by running. Plus those freebies don't hurt at all. So I thank my dear friend Ali for not giving me a chance to back out (because I could have!) and for all the pep talks--kahit minsan parang bola lang. :)

And you dear reader, when you stop reading I dare you to do something you never thought you can do. It may not be running but I dare you, challenge yourself. Live!

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Monday, December 17, 2012

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Monday, August 13, 2012

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Thursday, June 07, 2012

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On Breathing

Monday, May 28, 2012

You know how the medical team in the delivery room rejoices at the sound of a newborn’s cry? It just made me think of how pain and tears are big part of our lives. Ironic how pain is always the last thing we want to feel and crying is always the last thing we want to do.

Yes. This is THE break up post my friends. First one. Therefore, I can’t not write about it. I will try my best not to exaggerate the facts. I just want to merely write about the truth of how I felt in painful detail; not only for therapeutic purposes but I want to share this to everyone who cared reading--- everyone who endured, will endure and most of all, is enduring the pain of broken relationship.
The first three days were the hardest. As much as Iwould like to keep it to myself during that time and break it to my family sans the drama, I wasn’t able to. My tears amazingly took a life of their own and would inconveniently fall during random times. It was painful. I’m just thankful for my sister at these times when, like when we were just watching t.v. (it wasn’t even drama!) and when she catches me crying, she would just pretend like nothing’s happening and continue watching. She wouldn’t ask me or say anything. She was just quiet because I think somehow she knew that that’s how I needed her to be. I’ve gotten enough drama from my mom when she found out and my sister knew I needed peace and quiet. And I’m really thankful and I appreciated her more because of that. Of course, there were the nights when I would just cry myself to sleep. I thought books and movies were exaggerating! I never thought it would happen to me. Well, that’s what you get when you fall in love as they say. I knew it the moment I signed up for it.
Those times when I cry all the freakin’ time (believe me I can’t help it!) were when I appreciated a friend’s advice greatly. He just told me to BREATHE. So that’s how it felt, you know, how they say that it hurts to breathe? It was like every part of your body--- your brain, your lungs, your stomach, your kidneys, your heart---were all crying at the same time. But so I breathe. I knew that was the first step.

What made me better were more movies, ice cream, random friend visits (and hugs!), Twitter, prayers and then, more ice cream. :) I decided I would let my guard down. This time I would not let what anybody else thinks stop me from expressing how I feel. So darlings, you too. Only you know how much you are hurting. Only you know how much was broken. As long as you’re not hurting anybody else go ahead and mend it. Write, draw, paint, sing, tweet… do anything you can to get yourself back together again. As Meredith Grey said in Grey’s Anatomy, “You don’t get to judge me on how I repair what you broke.” There.

Don’t ever be affected on what they say on how you “repair” you’re broken heart. (Well, as long as you don’t go declaring World War 3 or stalking your ex or go jumping off buildings then you’re good. J) Chances are, those who are saying something, are the people who weren’t there anyway. So ‘nuff said.
At the end of all the crying and prayers, I just felt liberated and thankful. Yes, thankful. There was even a point when I was crying and laughing at the same time while I was praying. I said, “Lord, tao pala talaga ako ‘no?” Hehe. I was thankful because I knew it wouldn’t hurt this much if I didn’t give that much. I gave. I gave without expecting anything in return. Well, maybe I expected but not much. I learned not to think only of myself, I learned how to be and became selfless. I was happy and thankful because in the end, I got hurt because I LOVED. I did no wrong and what’s more,I did everything I could. I did my best. I did my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough… (aminin, kumanta ka no?! ;p)

Why the tears you ask? I guess they’re for the memories. For the things we enjoyed doing but may never do again… It’s the pain of remembering all the things that are happy about us.

So I stopped thinking and overanalyzing and just accepted what is. Girls (and if there are any guy readers), it will hurt. Nobody said it was going to be easy after all. But breathe. Breathe and go on. You may even know and accept things that you never knew before or how much books and movies really mirror reality. Know that you deserve better, if not, MORE. Know that as long as you did your best, you’ll never regret a thing. Know that your family and friends are always there foryou (maybe its time you focus on them.) Know that everything that has happened, is just preparing you to be the right person FOR the right person. And lastly, know that pain is not always your enemy. From the day we were born, crying and pain lets us know that we are ALIVE. And for that, and all the things you learned, be grateful. :)

Sky High Dreams

711 RUN 800 Fun Run

Saying Goodbye with a Song

My Eco-Christmas

On Writing and Ricky Lee

On Revenge

On Breathing

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